A New Beginning

January 2011...crazy isn't it? What's crazier is that I, 37, am about to have my second child. Crazier still is the fact that she is due in March, which is the same month my son was born. I've declared that I am, apparently, only fertile in June. Note to self: don't have sex in June anymore!

Not that I don't want any more children, although I really don't, I just don't want to be too old to enjoy them. I'm already at the point where it takes some real effort to stay in shape, maintain a decent (average...okay, slightly above average) weight, and have enough energy to enjoy spending time w/ my husband and son after working all day long. It will be interesting to see how I manage it all when the second one gets here.

It's been a relatively easy pregnancy in some ways, and a very difficult one in others. By all accounts very different than my last. Despite the fact that we must've done something to get pregnant, Hubby and I were not on the best of terms when we actually found out I was pregnant. I was sick as a friggin' dog, morning noon and night, for the first 15 weeks and was very moody and attitudinal. Hubby kept asking me what was wrong, and I just wanted to stick a fork in his eye, because OBVIOUSLY, I felt like shit! HELLO?!! He felt he was trying to be empathetic, and I felt like he should already know what was wrong, and do something! Or, at least, ask me something else...i.e. is there anything I can do, babe? would you like me to cook dinner tonight? how about a back rub? Anything! Except, what's wrong? again.

So, for months we barely spoke. It sucked. My attitude ignited his attitude, which turned up the heat on my attitude. It was a vicious cycle to the point where we could barely look at each other, much less have a conversation about darn near anything. Our son, 3, surely felt the effects of it, but Hubby and I did our best to keep the arguing to a minimum in front of him. It didn't always happen, but we did try; and we always made sure that our attitude with each other did not get taken out on him.

Finally, we tried to discuss all that had been building between us. We did manage to make some progress, but even to this day things are not exactly perfect between us. Of course, it's always kind of been like that with us...just not on the same page all the time. Both wanting our way. Power struggles, etc. I love him with all my heart, and wouldn't know what to do without him. He's an absolutely adoring father, and I am grateful all he does for us. He always, without fail, puts us first. Still, our communication has some serious barriers that, even with time - 10 years almost - we have not been able to break down completely. Just when we think it's gotten better, bricks start falling out of the sky.

We are, of course, very different people, but we should still be able to respect and support one another at any given time. I know that I do not always do this. I am, at times, very critical...even though I believe I say things in an attempt to be helpful, it just doesn't come across that way. Hubby, too, is quite critical, and I know he is trying to be helpful as well. It's just both of us have difficulty hearing criticism as help, and we fight back as if we are at war.

Test of Heart

Got a call at 9pm last night that my father was being admitted via the ER for chest pain and that he may have suffered another mild heart attack.

His first heart attack? 1981. He was 33.
Angioplasty in 1982.
Heart attack, and double bypass for 3 blockages in 1995.
Single bypass and stint inserted in 2005 due to one of the 1995 bypass arteries blocked.
2003, diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
2005, pacemaker inserted.
2008, hospitalized for fluid build up on lungs...congestive heart failure rearing its ugly head.

So when I got the call last night, I kind of freaked. His heart is operating at about 18% right now, and there's not much left to damage. He knows this, and thankfully, goes to the hospital relatively quickly if any pain or shortness of breath will not subside.

He got there fast enough last nite, that they were able to stabilize him quickly enough that he did not have a full blown attack. However, the blockage was evident in the angiogram.

Today, stint inserted into other 1995 bypass artery that had become blocked.

Congestive heart failure is a scary thing. He's only 61. His father and brother also suffered and passed from CHF at 62 and 60 respectively. The clock is ticking, and I continue to pray his heart till keep ticking as well, as long as it possibly can.

Heaven Forbid A Man Get Sick

Not much to discuss today...Honey's had a bum shoulder for the past several days, and hasn't been able to get in to see the doctor and/or get any medication for relief. As a result, he's been irritable and agitated, and an all around bummer to be around.

I try to be patient and helpful, but nothing I seem to do is right. So, I keep my mouth shut - as much as possible because that is not easy for me - and try to stay out of his way.

Anyone else have this problem or is it just me?!

Date Night: 3D Avatar

For the first time in three years, Honey and I went to the movies. Alone. It was weird, but we left the lil guy in my parents' capable hands, so we knew he'd be okay. It was their first time watching him and getting to spend alone time with him, so I knew they'd enjoy themselves as well.

We went to see Avatar in 3D and, if I may, let me please add one more review to the pile and say it was really an excellent movie. Honey and I both really enjoyed it. It went so fast, you'd never know it was 3 hours long. It was exciting, adventurous, semi-humorous, a love story, a becoming a man story...a story about figuring out what's most important. I highly recommend it.

Afterwards, we took the P's and the lil guy out to dinner. It was overall a really great day. Perhaps we'll have more of these in the future.