A New Beginning

January 2011...crazy isn't it? What's crazier is that I, 37, am about to have my second child. Crazier still is the fact that she is due in March, which is the same month my son was born. I've declared that I am, apparently, only fertile in June. Note to self: don't have sex in June anymore!

Not that I don't want any more children, although I really don't, I just don't want to be too old to enjoy them. I'm already at the point where it takes some real effort to stay in shape, maintain a decent (average...okay, slightly above average) weight, and have enough energy to enjoy spending time w/ my husband and son after working all day long. It will be interesting to see how I manage it all when the second one gets here.

It's been a relatively easy pregnancy in some ways, and a very difficult one in others. By all accounts very different than my last. Despite the fact that we must've done something to get pregnant, Hubby and I were not on the best of terms when we actually found out I was pregnant. I was sick as a friggin' dog, morning noon and night, for the first 15 weeks and was very moody and attitudinal. Hubby kept asking me what was wrong, and I just wanted to stick a fork in his eye, because OBVIOUSLY, I felt like shit! HELLO?!! He felt he was trying to be empathetic, and I felt like he should already know what was wrong, and do something! Or, at least, ask me something else...i.e. is there anything I can do, babe? would you like me to cook dinner tonight? how about a back rub? Anything! Except, what's wrong? again.

So, for months we barely spoke. It sucked. My attitude ignited his attitude, which turned up the heat on my attitude. It was a vicious cycle to the point where we could barely look at each other, much less have a conversation about darn near anything. Our son, 3, surely felt the effects of it, but Hubby and I did our best to keep the arguing to a minimum in front of him. It didn't always happen, but we did try; and we always made sure that our attitude with each other did not get taken out on him.

Finally, we tried to discuss all that had been building between us. We did manage to make some progress, but even to this day things are not exactly perfect between us. Of course, it's always kind of been like that with us...just not on the same page all the time. Both wanting our way. Power struggles, etc. I love him with all my heart, and wouldn't know what to do without him. He's an absolutely adoring father, and I am grateful all he does for us. He always, without fail, puts us first. Still, our communication has some serious barriers that, even with time - 10 years almost - we have not been able to break down completely. Just when we think it's gotten better, bricks start falling out of the sky.

We are, of course, very different people, but we should still be able to respect and support one another at any given time. I know that I do not always do this. I am, at times, very critical...even though I believe I say things in an attempt to be helpful, it just doesn't come across that way. Hubby, too, is quite critical, and I know he is trying to be helpful as well. It's just both of us have difficulty hearing criticism as help, and we fight back as if we are at war.

The Pain Does Go Away

After several years of writing on this blog, I had never experienced the opportunity to really connect with anyone who happened upon it. Until I wrote the post about having pain in my upper abdominal/rib cage and middle back. Hundred and hundreds of women from all over the world have searched for this topic on some search engine and ended up on this blog. Many many women have left their own personal stories in the comments of that particular post, and many have checked back to let us know that they had successful pregnancies. I, too, had a successful pregnancy. What's more is that from all of those who replied after giving birth, we can all attest to the fact that the pain subsided after delivery. Which, I think we can all agree, was a blessing.

It's sad to me that so many women all over the world are experiencing these same symptoms during their pregnancy, and seemingly, no one - not one of us - can get an explanation for it from our doctors. In fact, in many cases, our doctors have either blown it off or guessed at what it might be; which does nothing for either the pain or our peace of mind.

What is further frustrating is that many of us have female OBs, whom I would THINK would be a little more interested in finding out what the problem is. In my experience, she was the least concerned of all my doctors. (I rotated among 3 OBs within the practice so whomever was on-call when I went into labor I would know and they would know me).

For anyone new to this site that is experiencing the same pains as the rest of us, take heart, it does go away (unless, of course, you do have a gall bladder or pancreas issue). I would urge you to continue to inform your doctor(s) of the pain, and the level of it, as you move through your pregnancy; and, if you are able, to check into every possibility of what it could be to eliminate any serious threats to you or your baby. The specialists won't be able to do many of their routine tests due to the pregnancy, and they may even look at you like you're crazy (because, "Hello? You're Pregnant, Lady. You're supposed to be in pain."....Really? I AM? I'm supposed to be in THIS MUCH pain?! I don't think so, Mr. Bigshot Doctor-Man!), but I believe in my heart that it is better to check into it than ignore it. Because, really, the pain will not be ignored. It hurts.

Finally, I found the chiropractor to be somewhat effective; though not everyone would probably agree. It is a temporary relief, and let me stress again, t.e.m.p.o.r.a.r.y. The prenatal massage feels great, but once you put your clothes back on, it's all over. The adjustments worked better for me personally, and would relieve my rib pain for up to an hour or so, but then it would gradually come back. I was fortunate enough to have my insurance cover both of those things, but truly, if I had to pay for it out of my pocket, I would not have gone as often as I went.

So, to close this post, CONGRATULATIONS to all you new mamas out there who suffered right along side me. I was so glad to know I was not alone, and also, not crazy.

I hope all of you and your new families are doing well.

Pregnant with Pain in Upper Abdominal Area

Lately, several people have found my site searching for information on the pain they are experiencing during pregnancy. I am interested to know what kind of pain you are having, and what your doctor is telling you about it.

My pain started in my back between my shoulder blades, around 22 weeks. It still exists in my back, but about 2 weeks later, migrated to my upper abdominal area and has progressively gotten worse.

It feels like a burning sensation - all the time - right under my rib cage and down the center of my stomach. It is concentrated just right of center, but radiates all across the top of my abdomen. At its worst, it localizes to a point and feels like a knife stabbing me. This has just started in the last few days, and happens whenever I move, change positions, walk, etc.

I have had blood work and a sonogram done on my gall bladder to check for infection and stones. According to both, I have neither. I have tried stretching, which only makes the pain worse. I have taken extra-strength Tylenol, which does not touch it. The back massager helps alleviate the back pain, and reduces the abdominal pain temporarily, but not for long. My doctor - who is at a loss for what is causing the pain - prescribed me Prevacid, in case it is a stomach/acid reflux issue, which only made the acid reflux worse. I have stopped taking it. I've also received a referral to a physical therapist in case it is musculo-skeletal, but since the pain is continually increasing with every movement, I have put that on hold. I am scheduled to see a GI specialist next week, who I expect will do little to nothing since most tests require anesthesia or something else harmful to the baby.

It is getting difficult to get comfortable when I sleep. The only position in which I am really semi-comfortable is on my back, and being 28 weeks along, I am supposed to avoid sleeping in that position. Sleeping on my side (either side) feels like something (gravity?!) is pulling/stretching my insides to the floor, and sends the stabbing pain feelings shooting through my rib cage.

I know I am not supposed to be comfortable in my 3rd trimester. But! This pain started in the 2nd, and anyone to whom I explain it looks at me as if there is something very not right about the location of my pains. Of course, my doctors look at me as if I am the only person on the planet with this kind of problem, and are thoroughly perplexed at what could be the problem.

I find this extremely annoying and aggravating. Finally, after going to my doctor for the 3rd time complaining about this, they have prescribed me Tylenol 3, which is allowing me to sleep and is taking the edge off the pain. But it is neither alleviating it altogether, nor does it identify what the freaking problem is. Plus, I really don't want to be feeding my baby T3's on a regular basis.

Regarding the baby, he seems to be fine. His heartbeat is clear, he looks perfect on the ultrasounds, all signs point to this is not affecting him. THANK GOD!

So, please, if you are having similar issues during your pregnancy (or know someone who is), please share them with me, and let me know what your doctor is telling you about it. What tests have they done? Have they reached any conclusions? Do they seem as dumbfounded as mine do?! How do you feel? Is the pain similar, different, similar but different? I would definitely like to know.

All the best...

Edited 2/2/2007 to add:
I went for a consultation with a chiropractor today. They do work with many pregnant women, but usually because of the lower back pain experienced during pregnancy. I made sure they understood that what I am feeling is "not normal pregnancy pain".

Of course, they cannot do x-rays, but he felt my spine and noticed a definite curve in the middle section of my back, which is putting pressure on the opposite side and causing the extreme pain. He put me on a table that has a break-away section for my pregger-belly. He mashed around, particularly in the sensitive areas, which were really hurting today. Within a few minutes, my back had popped several times. He said that's all he wanted to do today, and was actually surprised that my back popped like it did given that it had been locked up for the past four months.

Ladies, I stood up and IMMEDIATELY felt relief in my abdomen. The burning sensation was not there at all. It's the first time I've not felt it in months! It was almost strange.

He told me that it would not be a permanent relief, and that it would probably take a few adjustments for it to last. He also said that my back will probably get sore again because it's so used to being in that cramped position, and will tend to draw back up. I am scheduled to see him again on Monday, as well as have a pre-natal massage at the same clinic.

The relief in my abdomen is enough to make me do cartwheels! Doc was very understanding to my pain, and could immediately tell that something was not right. He also said that many times, our posture has so much to do with the intensity of pain we feel, and that although not super bad, I could improve upon that as well. Course, being pregnant, we're prone to poor posture.

It's been almost an hour, and my abdomen still does not hurt, burn, feel numb or have stabbing pain. My mid-back/shoulder blade is hurting again, which I expected. I will keep everyone posted on the progress.

Here's to an Even Better 2007!

Happy New Year!

Although I found myself wanting to write at various times over the holidays, I n’er took a moment to sit down and actually do it. There were several topics that I had stewing in my brain though:

Happy Whatever You Are
Happy Holidays? Merry Christmas? Happy Hanukkah? Happy Kwanza? My take on it – in a nutshell – is to wish people what you are, and not be offended by what they say to you. If I celebrate Christmas, my Jewish friends understand what I mean when I say, “Merry Christmas” to them, just as I understand what they mean when they say to me, “Happy Hanukkah.” Why are we so darn quick to be offended in this melting pot? Especially, at this time of year?! It seems so petty and selfish.

Santa-Schmanta
I am so sick of Santa! “He” is every-freaking-where. He’s even shirtless, with a tight bod and skimpy drawers in L.A. malls from what I understand, and the ladies are a-lovin’ it. Give me a break! We should call it Santamas already and get it over with. There is nothing spiritual about the holiday advertisements touting “celebrate the season”. Indeed, celebrate the season of shopping, sales, and Santa! For, apparently, HE is the reason for this materialistic season. Ugh!

House Hunting is Hard!
We’re on a mission to find a new home, preferably before our baby is born (March 2007). We’re currently in a small, two-bedroom (well, one bedroom, one office) basement apartment with space and ventilation issues. Financing? Check! Realtor? Check! House? HA! They want how much for this place?! Out of 7 that we looked at, one was worth considering. Needless to say, we’re still looking.

So, apparently, I AM Crazy!
I went back to the doctor for the results of my blood test and sonogram expecting to hear that, indeed, I have gall stones and will have to have my gall bladder removed after giving birth, which will completely throw a wrench in my plans to breastfeed. But, instead, we learned that I do NOT, in fact, have anything wrong with my gall bladder, AND that my doctor has no earthly idea what could be causing the burning, stabbing pain in my upper abdomen and middle-back.

Phantom Pain, I love it.

The Best Christmas Eve EVER!
Honey told me he wanted to take me out to dinner, some place nice, out of town, maybe over our holiday break. We weren’t doing gifts this year, trying to save for a house and a new baby and all, so it sounded like a nice way to get away, enjoy each other and some good cuisine. So, we both looked into various restaurant possibilities. After reviewing a few options the week before, he told me he would take care of it.

On Friday, two days before Christmas Eve, he mentioned in devising the plan that he would like to visit his grandparents first before heading on to dinner. He would not say where we were having dinner.

On Saturday, the eve of Christmas Eve, he stated that we would be spending the night in St. Louis, instead of coming home after dinner. So, I should pack for Christmas day, since we’ll be going straight to my parents.

On Christmas Eve, we headed out early, about 10 am. Arrived in Fairview Heights about noon, and did a bit of shopping and exchanging. Visited his grandmother until about 3 pm and headed to his grandfather’s. About 4 pm, he stated he was going to see if we could push back our reservations from 5:30 to 6:00, because, well, Grandpa’s a talker and we still had to get to the hotel. We left Grandpa’s at 4:30.

As we crossed the Mississippi into Missouri, Honey handed me the map to the hotel. At the top of it, it said Millennium Hotel. I began to get very excited. I helped navigate us downtown to one of the tallest buildings on the riverfront. We checked into our 22nd floor room, overlooking Busch Stadium, at 5 pm. Honey told me we would be having dinner in the hotel, so we began to get ready.

The room was beautiful, had a huge king size bed, large windows, and the bathroom vanity lit up! There was even a complimentary bathrobe and slippers in the closet. Ooo-la-la!

We arrived on the 28th floor to the Top of the Riverfront just after 6 pm. The host directed us to our table, located next to all windows on a slowly rotating floor. The restaurant, hotel in fact, is circular, and the restaurant rotates overlooking all of downtown St. Louis. It’s absolutely breathtaking at night!

I was so excited about our little getaway. Honey had really gone all out. It had been a long time since we had taken a little vacation, and with him making all the reservations and doing all the planning, he made me feel very special. I was 27 weeks pregnant, and it felt so wonderful for him to be taking such good care of me. He has been awesome from the jump, but I had never expected something like this.

For dinner, I started with lobster bisque, while Honey sipped on an extremely smooth red wine. Although, I am not much for red wine, I did partake of a sip with Honey’s approval simply because he expressed how wonderful it tasted. The bisque, by the way, was also very creamy and delicious. Honey passed on a sip of the bisque.

Our entrees were similar: I chose the 12 oz. NY Strip; he went with the 22 oz. Porterhouse. Both served with garlic-mashed potatoes, asparagus and baby carrots. Prepared to our liking, all was delicious! The dessert tray was displayed, and although I am a sucker for cheesecake, I just could not see myself eating a double-decker cheesecake with a third layer of chocolate cake in between, all by myself. Honey doesn’t do cheesecake, and really, doesn’t do desserts too often in general, so I opted for the Crème Brule – which turned out to be much larger than the size of the display! It, too, was absolutely divine.

After finishing our meals, Honey came and joined me on my side of the table. We sat and held hands watching the Arch slowly approach our point of view. I rested my head on his shoulder and noted how I could feel his heart beating through his suit. We contemplated going after the camera, and, after some time, decided I would run to get it – I had to use the bathroom, again, anyway!

Upon my return, we took some photos of one another. Our waiter took a photo of us together. I practiced taking pictures without the flash so we could capture the skyline through the windows. In fact, I moved to a different table’s chair, so I could take a picture of Honey with the Arch behind him. It turned out rather well for requiring such a slow shutter and relatively steady hand and pose.

As I started to move back to my chair, Honey suggested I stay there.

He pushed his chair back away from mine slightly…

Reached in his inside jacket pocket…

And pulled out a little black velvet box.

My eyes got as big as silver dollars, my mouth instinctively hung open…

He bent down, looked up into my eyes, and asked me to marry him!

I couldn’t say yes fast enough! I hugged and kissed his whole face! The waiter appeared out of nowhere and popped the cork on a champaign bottle! Honey placed the ring on my finger as I stared in awe into his loving eyes. What a wonderful, romantic surprise! I was speechless, but I hope my smile and kisses said it all. I could not have been happier at that moment. He – much more than the view – took my breath away. It’s a night and a memory I will cherish forever.

And, I haven’t stopped smiling since…

Pregnant, But Not Paranoid

At about four months pregnant (almost 2 months ago), my back started aching. Even though it hurt – like sharp, stabbing pains – most people, if I complained, would tell me “Oh, that’s NORMAL!” despite the fact that it was not my lower back hurting, it was my middle-back – between my shoulder blades. For some time now, I have also been experiencing pain in my upper abdominal area, just below my rib cage. One person told me it was my stomach muscles stretching, but, for the most part, any time I mention it to someone who’s had kids, they look at me like I’m crazy. Their response is usually, “Hmmm….well….I don’t really remember having pain there.”

At my last doctor’s appointment, three weeks ago, I mentioned the back and abdominal pain to my doctor. She glazed over it like a donut. “Oh it’s probably just your stomach muscles stretching. And that back pain, yes, it’s normal.”

Normal. I hate that word. Everything you read says that each pregnancy is different, women’s bodies respond differently, baby’s develop at different rates, and then doctors want to lump you in a category like “Normal.” Yah-right.

So, anyway, trying not to be a paranoid baby about it, I figured it would eventually get better, and I should just shut up about it, be happy that I’m feeling that precious little boy move about inside of me, and deal with the pain, as I suspect it’s going to get aLOT worse!

With the holidays here, there have been several days at work where people have brought in goodies, not to mention the holiday luncheon last week in which turkey was provided and everyone else brought in their favorite side dish. Oh Man! There was some yummy stuff on that table! I couldn’t stop eating! It was all so delicious, I wanted more, and (being pregnant, felt completely entitled and) got more!! Two plates of food, and a plate of dessert later, I was feeling like an over-inflated balloon about to pop.

Then…Oh. My. Gosh! The PAAAAAIN! It started after I ate and just got progressively worse. It got so bad I decided to go home because I just could not sit here at my desk any longer. It throbbed and burned like hot coals sitting underneath my ribcage. Nothing would make it stop. Laying down = no help. Sitting up = no help. Reclining = no help. Just burning, flaming, PAIN!!!

I went home and had a massage. This helped, some, but it took hours to get over the real intense portion of that episode.

Since then, it seems the pain just continues to get worse. I’ve even noticed in the last few days that when the back pain is most severe, so is the abdominal pain (and vice-versa). Also, it gets worse after I eat, especially, if I eat a lot at once. To boot, sitting in this friggin’ chair hunched over a computer all day, also does not seem to be doing me any favors. I don’t want to incessantly complain about something that is “normal”. But! I also do not want to overlook (and have to deal with) something that is not.

So? I called my doctor yesterday. The nurse listened and suggested I go ahead and come in to have the doctor check me out. I made the appointment, hesitantly since I’m already scheduled for my regular monthly check and glucose test next week, for today. And, I am so glad I went!

I saw a different doc today – there’s three in the practice, so they rotate seeing the pregnant so that when you deliver you are familiar with whoever is on call. The doc listened to my symptoms and suggested the possibility of two problems:
1. a gall bladder problem – i.e. stones, sludge, infection
2. a stomach problem – i.e. acid reflux, heartburn

He went on to mention that with gall bladder problems, the pain often radiates to your back. Between your shoulder blades.

Huh! Good to know.

So, after two vials of blood for tests and an appointment scheduled for a gall bladder sonogram on Saturday, I am completely looking forward to finding out what type of problem my gall bladder is having.

Thankfully, it has nothing to do with and is not affecting the baby whatsoever. So, as long as he’s kickin’, I’ll tough it out, whatever the result. May make eating Christmas dinner a little more painful though…

And Then He Kicked Me

I am in the middle of my 21st week (or 5th month) of pregnancy. In other words, halfway there. So far, I think things have gone much as they should:

• Found out I was pregnant in week 6
  
• Morning sickness started right on cue (i.e. the next day) and lasted right up until week 14 (end of first trimester)
  
• I lost 1.5 pounds the first 3 months (boy, was I sick!!), and gained four the fourth month, for a net of 2.5 pounds gained as of my last doc appointment
• Had an ultrasound in week 18 - everything looked good, and we found out it's a boy! They couldn't get a clear picture of his heart, so we're going back for another ultrasound the week after Thanksgiving, just to be sure all is well.
• Ever since, I have been waiting - wanting - to feel this itsy bitsy being inside of me move or kick or something!
• Instead, all I have is pain in my middle back, like a softball is lodged against my spine. It starts generally after lunch and grows increasingly worse as the day goes on. Honey was so sweet and sympathetic to my complaints that he went and purchased a shiatsu massage chair for me. It is the bomb!
• I've read all the articles on "what it's supposed to feel like" when baby kicks or moves. Some say butterflies, some say gas. I say when I thought I felt butterflies, it turned out to be gas!
  

So, last night as I received my full back massage, and Honey spoke with his grandma on the phone, a feeling I had never felt before came from inside my stomach, just to the right of my belly button.

My eyes got as big as silver dollars.

My mouth fell open in disbelief.

The biggest smile came over my face.

Was that a foot?! OMG! That felt like a foot - it was big! If I had been looking, I know I could've seen my tummy poke out as if being punched from the inside out.

Maybe it was an elbow? Ahh! There is was again! Not so big this time, but the same feeling nonetheless.

So, that's what it feels like when the baby kicks! Honey watched on, all smiles, as we enjoyed the first movement of our son. He put his hand on my belly, but, of course, baby didn't move then. What an amazing feeling. What an amazing thing! Life growing and moving about inside another life. God is great.