Not a Laughing Matter

I need to apologize for the post written prior to this one. It's been almost a week since I wrote it, and although I was trying to be funny at the time, the subject is absolutely no laughing matter.

My keeping this blog from Honey really hurt him, and it is nothing to joke about. The things I've said on this site that I've not been willing to say to him have hurt our relationship. I have put more time and effort into writing about our relationship than I have trying to solve problems or make it better. I can only imagine what it has been like for him to know about and read some of the things I've written, only to come home and try to put it out of his mind, as if he never read it. Yet, that is exactly what he did, was WILLING to do, for me to have my outlet, my charade, my dual personality.

It was terribly unfair of me to try to make light of a situation that he took in stride even when the truth came out. Even more unfair was a year's worth of lies and hiding from him to try to make myself feel better. What's worse is that I tried to convince myself that writing this journal and making it public was OK; that putting private matters - no matter how anonymous - up on the Internet would not have a negative effect on me, him, or us. I was so wrong.

So.Very.Wrong.

I will never know what kind of strength and patience it took for him to endure this secret and put up with me for so long. I cannot take it back or make it better, and no amount of sorries are going to erase it from memory.

Therefore, all I can think to say is THANK YOU, HONEY. You're more than I deserve.