Friday, July 21, 2006

The Truth Comes Out

Well, once again I have totally sucked at posting on a regular basis. To be honest, I have not had or made the time to do so, and also, I've been a little conscientious about writing lately.

You see, I started this blog almost a year ago. Up until about a week or two ago, I was not completely sure my Honey knew about it. We have a [different] blog together on which we post pictures of our friends and family. It's not a journal-type blog, it's more of a picture blog. ...OK it IS a picture blog. Anyway, I decided to start a blog of my own after finding some really great writers of blogs out there, because, y'know, I'm funny, damit! I write pretty well! Sometimes better than I speak!

Also, on the flip side of that, I am just as bad, no, make that worse at keeping a written journal than I am at keeping an online journal, if you can imagine. Since I can type so much faster than I write, plus, I don't get the cramped claw-hand after typing a couple of pages, I just knew keeping an online journal would be much easier, and I would tend to write more often since everything is pretty much at my finger tips. (Not like that big journal book I bought thinking that if it was big enough, I would be able to see it from across the room, and that would make me walk over to it, pick it up, grab a pen, and actually write down my thoughts when I have them - HA! yah right!)

But then comes the issue of honesty and privacy, and who's gonna read this thing?! No one, to my knowledge, reads my written journal, but THIS? This is out there for everyone, the whole world! More importantly, if I put private thoughts into an online journal that Honey reads, well, they ain't so private anymore, now are they?!

So, what does one do when she wants to keep an online public journal - cause y'know it has to be public to get comments - yet, keep it from the man she lives with?!

Prepare yourself to be wowed by the stupidity of this next move...

You TELL him about the blog soon after you start it. THEN? Never mention it again. EVER.

And then, FORGET about the fact that you actually DID tell him about it.

And if you think that's the best way to go, I have this awesome beach house you'll be interested in.

So, fast forward to last week, after a month of no home computer - which is a whole other story - I had like 300 some-odd pictures to organize, sort through, and upload to our picture blog. (No. I did not post all 300, but damn near!) I spent several hours, days doing it.

Now, keep in mind, that Honey and I do talk about other blogs, what we like/don't like about them, we just don't talk about THIS blog. Which also means that over the past year, all that I have done with this site template, all the HTML I've more or less taught myself, all the cool little gadgets and shiznit I've find online and through other blogs, I. Could. Not. Discuss. With. Him because he does not know about it, right?

Oh yah, did I mention Honey is a COMPUTER PROGRAMMER?!

So, I'm spending all this time, a week or so ago, posting pictures up on our picture blog. I came out of the room for some air, and Honey's asks, "So, how many blogs DO you have?"

People, the expression of guilt on my face could have gotten me hung from a noose when he posed that question.


"Counting the one you're working on?" he asked.


So the discussion ensued about the Intuitive Woman, why I never mention it, why I kept (or tried to keep) it a secret, why he never mentioned, in all his times reading it, that he had actually read it. And, although I'm sure my reasons did not make him feel much better about the fact that I had written this blog all this time and did not ever share it with him, I did feel a huge relief that the truth was out in the open. In fact, as I had mentioned to him, it had been on my mind for weeks, the guilt of writing personal things about us, saying things on here that I could not find the gumption to say out loud, hiding this part of my life that I truly enjoyed and got real learning and reward from.

I still think it will be difficult for me to really write my true inner thoughts on here knowing that he's out there, reading things that I might not have said to him directly. I mean, it's no secret that we have communication issues, and hiding this blog did not help that in the slightest. At the same time, when I write, I tend to take a little more time and put a little more thought into what I'm trying to get across versus when I'm spouting off the first thought that jumps into my head. Therefore, regardless of what I write, knowing he's out there reading my thoughts is somewhat comforting, because I hope that whatever is going on between us, by the time I get to write about it, I will have put more thought into the situation and hopefully will have a little bit better perspective on things.

And, in the meantime - when I don't have any feelings to get off my chest - I can find something at least semi-entertaining to write about. Cause, y'know. I'm SUCH a great writer! LOL!!

1 comment:

Mrs. Darling said...

My husband knows about mine but he doesnt read it.