Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Don't Bore Yourself Reading This Post

This weekend was full of work and silence at our house. Honey and I tried for two days to talk about the status of our relationship: the deep, dark valley of a rut in which we have been stuck for too long to mention. Unfortunately, it got us nowhere. We just don't see things the same way, we can argue endlessly about the difference in my perspective and his, and never, in my opinion, come to understand each other or compromise at all.

Needless to say, it was exhausting.

And, frustrating.

Yesterday, we barely spoke to each other.

In the meantime, my shoulder and back still ache from the accident last weekend, as does Honey's knee. His 7 year old nephew has had some serious issues this week: falling down the stairs twice, complaining of really bad headaches, and then throwing up for no apparent reason. We're waiting on MRI results from yesterday's test.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm complaining all the time, or at the very least, come across as a major downer. Nothing I have to say is funny, or witty, or comical in the slightest. Nothing I do is fun, or adventurous, or exciting enough to talk about it. I can't tell you the last time I actually laughed out loud, with the exception of privately giggling at a few of the blogs I read.

I'm only stuck in this rut because I choose to be, right? I mean, if I'm really that miserable, why not move on? If we can't get along, why stay? I've been trying to figure out the answers to those questions for a long time now. Something causes me to stay (security? insecurity? stability? fear?) I'm not sure I can pin point it, but I'm pretty sure it's not the best reason to remain in a situation that feels, at times, nearly unbearable.

I'd like for it to work. I'd like for us to get along. I'd like for us to laugh, and play, and "get" each other. So often, we just don't get it.

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